Well, that was a close one. I have now used up five of the nine. On this occasion it was not personal negligence. It was a physical horror that left me in too much pain to want to carry on. But carry on I did in the spirit of Joan Sims, Sid James and Ken Williams. Where was I this weekend? Not telling over and above I was in Barnes with family, dogs and a lot of love. Reminds me of a Round the Horne sketch about the French Resistance. ‘We can sleep in Barns’. ‘Then have a nap in Hammersmith’.
I can’t even tell you what happened this weekend over and above two details that tell you all you need to know. On Friday night when I lurched up to bed after my fill of Prosecco, there on the bed was a hot water bottle in the shape of a Moose Loose about this Hoos. Under it’s paw was a note reading ‘Hiya Handsome’. That was the lady of the house. The gentleman will always make me dissolve with laughter just with a look. However…
On Saturday night we went for dinner at Fanny’s. She wanted to invite a gay couple and asked Audie and Tony if that was OK. Deadpan, Tony replied ‘don’t worry about it darling, we’ll bring our own’. You cannot make it up. That family literally saved my life this week. As Miss Midler will say, ‘I will never forget it y’know’. As I said, it was a close one. But there we are. Physical pain is impossible to take sometimes.
So this afternoon sees me on the daybed in Bloomsbury Towers with a bottle of Prosecco and Silk on DVD. So impressed by Maxine Peak and Mr Penry-Jones. I also think Nathalie Dormer is a perfect actress. I recall her performance as Anne Boleyn in The Tudors when she erased the memory of Geneveve Bujold in Anne of the Thousand Days. The Tudors was over sexualised and over glamourised rubbish. But Nathalie Dormer gave an honest and true performance.
Come this morning, Audie suggested it was time I returned to my life and relaxed a little in the camp Greco-Roman spa in Holborn. This I did after walking home from Barnes. It took a little while. However, I finally made it to the pool and it was filled with a hideous hen party. Hideous! They shrieked, giggled and luxuriated in the pool like a pack of hippos. I went to the sauna. They came to the sauna in droves. It was too taxing on the nerves. I beat a hasty retreat to the steam room then left.
Amused to read in Hello! that Jade Jagger got married again last week. I first met Jade at Garrard when she was creative director. She was charm personified and told terrific stories about Halston, Liza and Warhol. I encountered her again on the telephone doing a Louis Vuitton London Guide My London feature about her life. She didn’t want to do it so was a bitch. She was obstructive, arrogant and really rather stupid and perverse. My love and respect for her vanished in one short phone call and we dropped the item.
And as for Bianca. I have never met the woman. I came close several times to discuss her fashion archive and sale thereof. But at Jade’s wedding she looked like the Witch of Endor. I am now up to my nipples in Prosecco and will sleep. Tomorrow it’s a doctor’s referral and the road to recovery. If I were a few people who have done me wrong or misadvised I would be afraid. Be very afraid. My trust and affection has vanished for certain people. All bets are now off. Do you like the pictures?
Until next time…