Sunderland One Eton Nil. June 2016.

Dear Rowley,

Did you vote darling? I’ve just got back from a Brexit party on Southampton Row dressed-up as Britannia. Just in case we lost, I went with a friend who made a marvellous Boadicea. He had his chariot parked outside for a quick getaway. The more the ‘Remain’ campaign came up with egregious scare tactics, the more the jingoistic contrarian in me came out hence sending you the Queen Elizabeth I Armada portrait. We have Elizabeth II on the throne so I suppose there is some poetic justice in the Brexit.

So glad we have crossed the European Union off our dance card. One does wonder what this bodes for Scotland who overwhelmingly voted to stay as did London. What really ‘got up my goat’ as Kath and Kim would say was the dinner party when a honking great Sloane of a hedge funder told the table that the ignorant, reactionary and poor would be the only ones to vote out. Nothing patronising about that!

I cannot abide people who think those in disagreement are simply stupid and need telling over and over until they are ‘on message’. I am convinced the political class thinking we are all an inconvenience caused the vote to swing ‘Out’. Quite sad to see Mr Cameron resign though he did the decent thing. What is the betting that Mr Osborne clings to power like the Raft of the Medusa? That man! I felt like parading outside No 11 Downing Street chanting Sunderland 1 Eton nil.

What the vote has done is underline that London is a completely different country to the rest of the UK. People are walking round like stunned mullets this morning and I’ve lost droves of Twitter followers – particularly the gays interestingly – having posted a Giffy of Debbie Reynolds in Singin’ in the Rain doing the Charleston with streamers and balloons. But as Miss M always says, ‘f*** em if they can’t take a joke’.

Putting my Gypsy Sherwood earrings on, I knew the government would collapse. Silver lining and all, at least the dear Queen can spend the weekend at Windsor Castle should she accept the Prime Minister’s resignation sooner rather than later. Frankly I think he had to go having hared around Europe for the best part of the year seeking a deal and returning only holding a handful of magic beans. As for Mr Osborne, there’s always a light on in Shepherd’s Market…

Anyway, enough about politics but didn’t you wish they’d given you a biro in the polling booth rather than a pencil? I could only imagine poor Parliamentary interns at it with a rubber in the wee small hours changing all of our Outs to Ins. Perhaps the British public can’t be trusted with ink pens or we’d all be scrawling obscenities about William Hague and Lord Coe on the polling booth walls.

Quite enjoyed watching Mr Cameron’s farewell speech with Lady Macbeth in an Erdem frock standing next to him looking vengeful. If Boris Johnson gets in, I think he should run off with Petsy Wyatt because that minx would be an absolute hoot as Prime Minister’s wife. Mind you, Sarah Vine would equally amusing. It would be like having Linda Bellingham in No 10.

Intersting isn’t it that the Brexit vote was really a collective boo-hiss to the political class and the metropolitan elite who, quite frankly, think we are inconsequential and ignorant. Wouldn’t it be marvellous to have a real clear-out in the Palace of Westminster and a changing of the guard. Mind you, I am no Boris Johnson fan. I think he is cunning as a monkey and dangerous. So, go on, do it Govie!